Why I won't let the silly gits ruin Australia Day

You could have a barbecue. Or you could not. It's Australia, I'm sure you'll like it anyway.

In recent years there seems to be this odd notion that I, as a dedicated leftie who harvests lichen to feed a growing list of endangered species*, must denounce Australia Day because it is being over-run with dickheads wearing ‘fuck off we’re full’ t-shirts and mistreating the Australian flag by draping it across their chests like their rampant racism.

Well I’m sorry, I can be proud of my country without being an unmitigated bint about it too.

Nor is this a critique of legitimate concerns by Aboriginals of celebrating the day we shipped in kind of took it from them. That’s for another day.

I just really like my country. And God damn it, I am going to have a burger and a few snags to celebrate it on Australia Day in my usual peace-loving, latte-sipping, pacifist, non-hating kind of way because I reckon that’s what made this country so bloody awesome in the first place.

And I sure as hell am not going to let some narrow-minded bigot with a vowel abuse problem tar the rest of us ordinary and good folk with that reputation. There seems to be some kind of artificial line being drawn in the sand of our beaches where you either celebrate Australia Day and are a branded a racist pig or you withdraw support because it is being taken over by the tomfoolery of the uninformed.

I don’t want to suddenly arrive at a day where looking at the Australian flag reminds me only of the eggheads who parade it like a symbol of their white ‘Utopia’. I would prefer to see it, and love it, as a symbol of a country that I do love, that is great today because of the diversity it has nourished over such a long period of time.

No country is perfect. No country is Marsha Brady. We are all doomed to be national Jans with big noses and blemishes we are not proud of. But occasionally I do like to talk about the things in my country that I like. Those things are numerous.

I like Australia because it is beautiful. I like the unrelenting blue of the oceans that surround us and the constant red of the deserts in the middle. I like our sunsets and sunrises. I like eating out at restaurants of a hundred cultures, all of them amazing. I like that an entire city pulled itself up by its bootstraps and helped the flood survivors to clean up. I like that every other state gave what they could to help the recovery. I like that we did the same thing for Black Saturday. And the disasters before it.

I like Tasmania which is quaint and Sydney which is busy. I like the Outback where all the thoughts and troubles tumble out of your head and you feel like you can breathe easier because there is so much space. I like that we can tell a joke even when we feel like shit. I like that we can laugh at ourselves. I like that my neighbours have come from other countries and have stories to tell. I like that we can listen to those stories.

I like the idea of walking to a park with beer, wine and a picnic and meeting a thousand other people who had exactly the same idea. I like the lack of territorialism as we all set up our picnic spaces even though there is bugger all room. I like that in a country as God damned big as ours that we all end up rubbing shoulders when the sun is out and the weather perfect.

I like how we all love to tell stories about our deadliest creatures and require at least one friend to have been bitten/stung/punched by one of them as a form of national currency on which we can trade when travelling overseas. I like how, when we have no such friend, we tell the story anyway as if we knew them because hey, it’s Australia, we probably did.

I like that most of us eat Vegemite even though it looks like the abhorrent tar pits of hell itself. I like that those of us who don’t eat it can still sing the Vegemite song.

I like our terrible accent when you hear it overseas and how much it stands out. I like that we’re not as refined as we like to think we are and that we really don’t care anyway. I like barbecues. I like the mild contest that emerges to be master of the tongs.

I like these things and I do not believe they are things of which to be ashamed.

Be ashamed as much as you want of the boofhead mouth-breathers who think being patriotic means being a hateful minger, I know I will be, but now is not the time to stand-back and let them represent us as the only people who love Australia because they’re not.

There are things not to love about this country just as there are things not to love about any individual country. For example, I hope one day to be able to turn to all of the racists and tell them: ‘fuck off, we’re full of your shit’. But I bang on about those things on other days.

For the record, I’m not a huge fan of the term bogan as a catch-all for racists. I have a few bogan sensibilities myself having been raised in the country and it is possible to be a bogan without being an uncompromising white supremacist.

I just wanted to say, on the balance of it all, that I like Australia for her faults as much as for her successes. She is my home and I hope to make her a better place for everyone.

Now, let’s go have a sausage.

*Of course it would be highly convenient if I knew any endangered species that ate lichen but I don’t. It just sounded like a particularly environmental type of thing to do and maybe one day I will and give myself a warm pat on the back for my endeavours.