The Carbon Flack

I find it diabolical that nobody in this whole media circus has thought to focus on the real victims of the carbon tax. The carbon atoms themselves. All this coming from a Labor Government too – taxing working carbon families like this is just an instrument of cynical politics.

Those little carbon atoms do a lot of work. They make you and I, for instance. They help us make little, tiny things like carbon nano-tubes. And here we are, thinking about taxing them. And so soon after the global financial crisis as well!

It seems the only thing less popular in this country right now than a carbon tax is reading about the carbon tax. And who can blame them when all the literature paints a dastardly future for struggling carbon families who already had to stop using the air-conditioning in summer because they couldn’t afford to pay the electricity bill.

Which is why I propose an alternative, morale boosting policy platform. The carbon sax. It would be a stimulus program for working carbon atoms to build this nation’s next novelty over-sized highway feature. The carbon sax.

It will be an investment in infrastructure and jobs. It’ll be robust. A beacon of what we can achieve when we put our minds together and try and stop thinking about la-la-la-la-la climate change.

I just hope the giant carbon sax never catches on fire, because it’ll really fuck up the atmosphere.