And I shall call him Tulip.So I was shooting the breeze around the Mamamia office the other day when I asked where in time our crew might like to visit, should they ever have the chance. Any time period. In history.
I know, right? What a fascinating question!
Except the answer from two of them was none. They wouldn't like to time travel. Ever.
OK. Two things. First, I'm not asking them to try fish lungs in Bosnia. You can go wherever you want. It just so happened that I wanted to see what the dinosaurs looked like (hopefully pretty!) but neither could fathom why anybody would want to.
That's fine. Riding a triceratops is not for everybody, and I was born without the gene that tells me not to do phenomenally stupid things. Sweet, I get it. But maybe they would want to go visit a castle in Victorian England, or something? Play a practical joke on a King by taking his picture on a digital camera, pretending you have his soul and then trading it for his entire kingdom?
I know. I'm a fucking riot. But no.
One asked: will there be Twitter there? I don't know, it's a bloody hypothetical question! You can take a My Little Pony for all I care. You can do the Macarena in front of a mirror holding a video of you doing the Macarena while Los Del Rio watch on and end the universe as we know it if you really want. You know why? Because it's a hypothetical question.
I've always been rather fascinated by time travel. My mum, ever the hilarious she-wizard, used to joke and wave her fingers around all spookily and say 'but you're time travelling now...into the fuuuuuuuutuuuuure'!
Which is about the lamest thing she's ever done. But that's the natural course of time. That's like trying to tell me getting milk from the corner store is a road trip. It's not a road trip unless you cover more than 1000km and set fire to a barn in your sleep.
I want to go into the past. I want to interrupt the Gettysburg Address with several 'meows' at inopportune moments and see if it makes it into the transcript. I want to yell at a peasant.
I want to take my hipster friend to the very beginning of time itself as the universe explodes forth and expands and watch his reaction to see if he's 'seen better'. Ingrate.
If I ever invent time travel I will come back to this moment while I am writing this post and make it even better with my future words.
Zork.
Oh. My. God. It's happened.
You never explained the premise. In fact you said what period in time would we like to LIVE in.
ReplyDeleteBut now that I have gone back in time and read what you were thinking (rather than saying) I would like to say that I have no interest in travelling back in time. Forward maybe..
*ducks and hides*
Live, visit, commute to: it's hypothetical! How could you not want to just check it out even? You make me sad in the face Lana. In. The. Face!
ReplyDelete(I still love you).
I want to go back in time to the day I illegally (i.e. mum said I couldn't)shredded my shin bone with her razor because I wanted to be like every other girl in grade seven and have silky smooth legs. Oh and I'd go back and pay more attention to Michael Hutchence.
ReplyDeleteVery funny Rickstar
I think I'd go back to a more Rubenesque time, where I could just lay around and eat all day while people painted me and fancied my bottom. I'd possibly go back to 1963 and tell my Father he really should put 2 l's in Michele for my sister, as it would have saved us all that extra sentence..."no, that's with one L". Oh and maybe I wouldn't have bought those polka dot bathers from Sportsgirl, the ones that I had to pick up off the bottom of the pool after I dived in.
ReplyDeleteOnce again, brilliant!
I heard the scientists made nerdy guesses when they chose the dinosaur colours cos they had no real way of knowing. I reckon that'd be worth checking out. But I'd want to go forward first to get some sort of raptor-proof suit. Why are there raptor-proof suits in the future? Wouldn't you like to know?
ReplyDeleteKathleen, your comment just made me laugh out loud. LOL. See, just like that!
ReplyDeleteNo, totally don't want to time travel either. Unless it was back to my early 20s when I didn't know how awesome I was, but then I'd have to have knowledge, and then I'd change the future, and it would get all complicated, wouldn't it? Love what your Mum said ... I'm going to borrow it to freak out my kids.
ReplyDeleteOh yeah!!! I've always, always wanted to time travel. All over the place, I want to see everything. Why hasn't someone invented that by now? Surely it can't be *that* hard!
ReplyDeleteI would like to time travel to the set of SeaChange and pash William McInnnes. this is what you meant right??
ReplyDeleteFirst of all you are damn funny and I always like funny. Secondly, how can anyoen say they wouldn't want to try time travel?! My biggest problem would be limiting myself to places/times I would like to visit. Does this mean I have too much time on my hands? Probably, yeah.
ReplyDeleteYour writing is brilliant.
ReplyDeleteI'd travel back to the very beginning of the universe and film it so I could show it to my kids and stop having to answer their questions with "I don't bloody know".
ReplyDeleteHey Rick! Just wanted to say your shit cracks me up. In fact, you should probably tone down the awesomeness. You're searing my retinas! Cheers for the LOLs!
ReplyDelete